Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
