wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
