I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Who died my cat blue again?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
