You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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