It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
