Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
