At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
