just come out here and I will go home with you...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
