I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
