that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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