I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
