I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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