Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
