On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
