just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
