Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
