i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
