i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
They have beer where we have blood.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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