I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
