I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
