god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
