Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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