my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
