Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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