Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
