Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
