If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
