im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
