he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
