I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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