Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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