apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
