the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
