Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
