I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
