She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
