Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
