Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
