did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
