if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This is my gift to your gina
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
