Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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