How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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