Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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