Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
