That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
