I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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