im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
