i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
