Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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