there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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