I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Less talking, more tequila
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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