I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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