I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
