she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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