Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
