i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
