I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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