So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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