your thong is hanging out like whoa
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
