They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
